Interacting
with others can be difficult when people don’t know what it’s like to suffer from depression. I often found myself
holding my feelings back or lying to make others think I was ok. Growing up,
there was no education about depression or about mental health. Part of the
reason was because of the stereotype that all people who suffer from behavioral
health are crazy. Secondly, although practice of psychology has been a
professional field for decades, accepting mental health as a part of holistic
care is still new to society, so you can understand why I was hesitant to talk
to others about how I felt.
Some
questions that always ran through my head were: How can someone relate to me if
they don’t know what it’s like to have
depression? Why would someone want me to bring my drama into their life?
The fact of
the matter is that nobody has to go through depression alone. Whether it be
family, friends, co-workers, or healthcare professionals, there should always be
someone there to stand by your side. As I have said in previous blogs, the more
I withdrew and didn’t share my true feelings, the worse I
felt. You have to let others be there
for you though; and for people with depression, they often
isolate instead of creating the much needed social support network necessary to
recover.
Part of
making a plan for yourself is coming up with positive people to be able to turn
to during the times of severe depression. You want to choose people who can
provide a positive environment with you. I chose people who I shared similar
interests with. For me, these were people who enjoyed working out. I was able
to go to those people, talk about my problems, and partake in an activity that
was pleasurable to me. I feel that it is important to add that you should avoid
negative atmospheres, including those with drug or alcohol use.
One of the
things that held me back at first was that I wasn’t honest with
people. I made myself out to seem that I was feeling good, when I was hurting
so very bad inside. Whether it was my family, friends or even my doctors, I
lied about how I felt. I also didn’t want them to
know how bad my feelings were. I didn’t want them to
know how depressed I was or how bad I hurt inside. Ultimately, I was sheltering
them from my true feelings. By not communicating how I truly felt, I initially
didn’t get the treatment I needed and I didn’t take care of the problems that were truly bothering me.
Then I began
to feel that I was a burden to others. In reality, there were several friends
and family members that did care and wanted to hear how I felt and wanted to
know what they could do to help me feel better, and take better care of myself.
I was never a hassle to them, when I thought I was or would be. After a while,
I noticed that talking to others helped relieve the pain I was feeling. One
thing that I did learn though is that like any illness or problem in life,
people try to help you but it is you that has to make the necessary steps to
get the treatment you need. People can only give you so much in life, after
that it’s your responsibility. If you continue to go to others and do
not do anything to improve your situation, you may lose your resources. If
people see that you are making an effort, they will continue to support you and
be there for you when you need them. If
the word responsibility sounds like a burden to you, think again: Taking
responsibility to improve your situation is empowering, and it gives you the appropriate
and positive control you are looking for.
Talking about
your problems is a key to an overall improvement for your depression.
Medications can only do so much for the body. Most of the time, when it comes
to depressive symptoms, it takes talking to others about how you feel, or the combination
of talking and taking medications to improve your mood. Don’t give up, the right person for you to talk to is out there.
If you go to a counselor and it doesn’t work out,
try someone else. Just like medications, not every medication is good for every
person or every situation. Find the right person, talk to them to release some
of the surface stress you’re experiencing, and be open to what
they have to say. They might be able to bring some things to light that you
cannot see by yourself.
Another
detail to consider is that sometimes the best thing that anyone can ever do is
be there to listen. I have been asked numerous times what others can do to be
there for me. Sometimes just having someone to listen has lifted a lot of
weight off my chest. Other things that others have done to help along the way
have been pointing out the positives in life, reinforcing strengths I might
have, or even getting constructive feedback about myself from another person has
helped. You may not like to hear it at first, but as you listen carefully, you
may just find the keys to unlocking your happy self! Positive reinforcement that
things can get better and that there is light at the end of the tunnel have
been so important to me on my journey too. Make no mistake about it, there were
times that my bad mood almost was forcing me to isolate myself, but when a
friend or family member pushed me to get out the house and have fun, it truly was
a part of the healing. Like I said before, it has to be a positive experience
without the negative misunderstanding of others. Work with those you like and
trust.
Here are
some activities that I have enjoyed doing with others that you might to:
working out, bowling, and taking walks. Others have found artwork, journaling,
playing music or volunteering In the community as good activities to clear
their head. Just the fact that I know that people care and want to be there for
me has helped so much. My word of
caution is that when I am down, it makes me overwhelmed if the person is too persistent
or adds to the negativity.
As a final
note for this blog, I encourage others who feel depressed to find that person
or group that they can talk to while they depressed –don’t wait to feel better on your own!
Always remember to be willing to listen to others ideas and responses as well.
Remember that people do care, and even if you don’t click with
someone right away, never give up. Try another person, because there is always
someone out there that cares and who you can feel comfortable talking with.
Most importantly, it is important to be honest because that honestly will carry
you a long way.
I hope that
everyone has a good start to their week, and I look forward to sharing more in
the coming days.
Steve