Talking Does Ease The Pain

Working Through Those Holiday Blues

Compliments of NAMI

Communication And Sharing Of Feelings

Interacting with others can be difficult when people don’t know what it’s like to suffer from depression. I often found myself holding my feelings back or lying to make others think I was ok. Growing up, there was no education about depression or about mental health. Part of the reason was because of the stereotype that all people who suffer from behavioral health are crazy. Secondly, although practice of psychology has been a professional field for decades, accepting mental health as a part of holistic care is still new to society, so you can understand why I was hesitant to talk to others about how I felt.

Some questions that always ran through my head were: How can someone relate to me if they don’t know what it’s like to have depression? Why would someone want me to bring my drama into their life?

The fact of the matter is that nobody has to go through depression alone. Whether it be family, friends, co-workers, or healthcare professionals, there should always be someone there to stand by your side. As I have said in previous blogs, the more I withdrew and didn’t share my true feelings, the worse I felt.  You have to let others be there for you though; and for people with depression, they often isolate instead of creating the much needed social support network necessary to recover.

Part of making a plan for yourself is coming up with positive people to be able to turn to during the times of severe depression. You want to choose people who can provide a positive environment with you. I chose people who I shared similar interests with. For me, these were people who enjoyed working out. I was able to go to those people, talk about my problems, and partake in an activity that was pleasurable to me. I feel that it is important to add that you should avoid negative atmospheres, including those with drug or alcohol use.

One of the things that held me back at first was that I wasn’t honest with people. I made myself out to seem that I was feeling good, when I was hurting so very bad inside. Whether it was my family, friends or even my doctors, I lied about how I felt. I also didn’t want them to know how bad my feelings were. I didn’t want them to know how depressed I was or how bad I hurt inside. Ultimately, I was sheltering them from my true feelings. By not communicating how I truly felt, I initially didn’t get the treatment I needed and I didn’t take care of the problems that were truly bothering me.

Then I began to feel that I was a burden to others. In reality, there were several friends and family members that did care and wanted to hear how I felt and wanted to know what they could do to help me feel better, and take better care of myself. I was never a hassle to them, when I thought I was or would be. After a while, I noticed that talking to others helped relieve the pain I was feeling. One thing that I did learn though is that like any illness or problem in life, people try to help you but it is you that has to make the necessary steps to get the treatment you need. People can only give you so much in life, after that it’s your responsibility. If you continue to go to others and do not do anything to improve your situation, you may lose your resources. If people see that you are making an effort, they will continue to support you and be there for you when you need them.  If the word responsibility sounds like a burden to you, think again: Taking responsibility to improve your situation is empowering, and it gives you the appropriate and positive control you are looking for.

Talking about your problems is a key to an overall improvement for your depression. Medications can only do so much for the body. Most of the time, when it comes to depressive symptoms, it takes talking to others about how you feel, or the combination of talking and taking medications to improve your mood. Don’t give up, the right person for you to talk to is out there. If you go to a counselor and it doesn’t work out, try someone else. Just like medications, not every medication is good for every person or every situation. Find the right person, talk to them to release some of the surface stress you’re experiencing, and be open to what they have to say. They might be able to bring some things to light that you cannot see by yourself. 

Another detail to consider is that sometimes the best thing that anyone can ever do is be there to listen. I have been asked numerous times what others can do to be there for me. Sometimes just having someone to listen has lifted a lot of weight off my chest. Other things that others have done to help along the way have been pointing out the positives in life, reinforcing strengths I might have, or even getting constructive feedback about myself from another person has helped. You may not like to hear it at first, but as you listen carefully, you may just find the keys to unlocking your happy self! Positive reinforcement that things can get better and that there is light at the end of the tunnel have been so important to me on my journey too. Make no mistake about it, there were times that my bad mood almost was forcing me to isolate myself, but when a friend or family member pushed me to get out the house and have fun, it truly was a part of the healing. Like I said before, it has to be a positive experience without the negative misunderstanding of others. Work with those you like and trust. 

Here are some activities that I have enjoyed doing with others that you might to: working out, bowling, and taking walks. Others have found artwork, journaling, playing music or volunteering In the community as good activities to clear their head. Just the fact that I know that people care and want to be there for me has helped so much.  My word of caution is that when I am down, it makes me overwhelmed if the person is too persistent or adds to the negativity.

As a final note for this blog, I encourage others who feel depressed to find that person or group that they can talk to while they depressed –don’t wait to feel better on your own! Always remember to be willing to listen to others ideas and responses as well. Remember that people do care, and even if you don’t click with someone right away, never give up. Try another person, because there is always someone out there that cares and who you can feel comfortable talking with. Most importantly, it is important to be honest because that honestly will carry you a long way.

I hope that everyone has a good start to their week, and I look forward to sharing more in the coming days.

Steve

 

Be Strong, You're Never Alone

Remember you are never alone. If you find yourself in a crisis situation, contact the friends and family that you have noted as positive and supportive influences, utilize the organizations that I mentioned in a previous post that are available 24/7, or talk to a doctor or er staff. 

Your life is very valuable to the community you protect everytime you put your gear on and respond out that door. You have the power to make a difference during a community member's time of need, a skill, passion, and ability most do not possess.  God put you on this earth to be his earthly saviors. It takes a strong person to be a firefighter and an even stronger person to overcome depression. But anything is possible in life with determination and trust that God would never put you in a situation you couldn't handle. You're strong, and every day you battle depression you learn more about yourself and how strong of a person you really are!

Photo credit: www.NHS.UK

Fun Event

During times of extreme depression it is natural to feels saddened, isolating yourself, and dwelling on the bad.

On March 2 (for those in the Chicagoland Area), the 100 Club is hosting an event at the United Center for the Chicago Blackhawks vs Carolina Hurricanes. All firefighters are welcome to partake in this event.

The 100 Club is an organization that supports the families of loved ones that are lost in the line of duty. More information on the event can be found at 100clubchicago.org.

This is a great opportunity to surround yourself with positive family members and friends while having fun at a Blackhawks game.

Remember, the more you sit and dwell on your depression, the worse the symptoms will become. Taking just a little time out of your day to do something that you enjoy has been seen to increase moods and clear the mids of people with depression and anxiety.

I look forward to another post soon about firefighter depression in the workplace. Until then, take care of yourself and remember that there are others out there that care about you. You are here for a reason on this earth. Depression is just a speed bump in life. But by taking care of yourself and staying strong, active, and recognizing the positives in your life, you can overcome anything.

Stay well and take time for yourself!

Until next time, stay safe and keep fighting the fight. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Steve